Be The Love You Want

After my morning practices I was feeling so grateful that my divorce was happening in a way that, at least externally, was fairly easy.  The internal processing is an entirely different matter, but externally I'm feeling carried and protected.  It was nice to realize and allow the feeling of gratitude in the midst of my grieving process.   And out of my gratitude came a lovely awareness.

My relationship with my former spouse was full of mutual love and respect; what was missing was a sense of companionship.  I'd love to pin that all on 'him' but I can see that despite having been in relationship to the same person for 33 years one of my growing edges is how to be a companion in relationship.

I don't know that companionship is as much a skill as an experience of the merging of two personalities. Like making a casserole, you can have a lot of good ingredients but with out ingredients that can bind properly well, it's just too soupy.

So I began thinking about the ingredients or qualities I'd like to have in a companion.  Here's my list:

Spiritually mature
Playful and fun
Devotion
Independence
Freedom
Financially mature
Peace filled
Loving
Healthy
Good self-care
Compassionate
Passionate

As I looked at the list it occurred to me that I rank pretty high on all these qualities myself.  What an awesome insight! Like the old adage says, you have to be willing to be a friend before you can have a friend - I think this applies to partners too.  While I'm not ready to jump back into being in a relationship just yet - its fun to begin thinking of what I want and to know that what I want already lives within me.

For now I can be the love I want to experience in my friendships and allow things to unfold.